It made me look at first person and even pronouns differently. Found the journal entry from that day, “Yesterday I sat with Lispector's Hour of the Star and a 100pg slice of Infinite Jest and chose (what most resembled) a chapter from the former, highlighting every pronoun of the protagonist. My appraisal was quick but through pages 15-24 there were approx. 254 she/herself/her's along with 33 references to the protagonist as "the girl”” and the reason I compared the authors, well they were two I consider transformative within arms reach but Dave was less pronoun heavy ANYWAY the drown the I challenge was very useful and destructive for me in the best way imo. Nothing could ruin my relationship with Lispector after The Passion to be quite honest. Should I have read The Hour of The Star BEFORE vandalising it tho? Yea
New to the WC Literary Renaissance. Here's my attempt at the assignment.
My timid soles stepped out of a red, 2016 Mazda 3. At the same time, the cool morning’s brisk wind greeted my timid soul. An expected encounter. The air’s sharp claws ran quickly across my face, eerily prophesying the direction my day would take, reminiscent of an ancient Greek oracle preparing a fateful forecast in a Euripides play. My car’s red paint was a hell that gave shelter to the demon’s hand that gripped the back of my shirt, holding me back from taking steps towards the building looming ahead of me. My lungs reluctantly welcomed a trembling breath that overstayed its welcome before exiting hurriedly. Looking for anything to perpetuate my procrastination, I glanced at my watch: a minimalist brown leather Fossil watch that was gifted to me last Christmas from my Uncle Troy. The second hand on my watch, not slowing down for me, had the face of a disappointed father looking at their son arriving home past curfew.
“I was afraid you lied about having a human daughter just to start a peace negotiation with us, but she even has your eyes.” Oh no, you WHAT?! I almost jump when i looked at her “But, she is… well. You give her all that attention she deserves, don’t you?” She looked back, this hateful judmental eyes of a archangel who throw flames at my eyes, cleary thinking of herself as such.
Revisioned:
“Quite frightening was to confront the possibility of the borned human daughter was just a dangerous lie, just to start a peace negotiation, but even the eyes. Truly there is no doubt.” You... WHAT??! The almost gave jump when looking at her. “But, seeing her here with the beauty of a princess, but well… You give her all the deserved attention, don’t you?” And gazed, and stared, and despised back, this hateful judmental eyes of a archangel, cleary thinking of herself as so high up there. Even being so miserable as a lord and a thread, the king surrounded the entire clastle by a fraction of his army, just to make sure.
I learn that pronouns are sometimes just a placeholder who hold the potential of the sentences, instead of the sentecens be created around them. By strategically removing some pronouns i was able to created a more "true to the character voice" thing there. And was able to substitute some description of emotion by that said character voice.
Perhaps I could’ve stopped the ship. I could’ve given the sailors a sign to man their oars, and steer away from the light. I wonder if it would’ve even helped, or if Poseidon had fixed our course. I had no idea that the golden glimmer was a legend, a monster, who would make her way from the sea back into the stars.
Revision:
Perhaps the osprey could’ve stopped the ship. The bird could’ve goven the sailors a sign to man their oars, and steer away from the light. Maybe the fish hawk even wondered if it would hbe helped, or is Poseidon had fixed its course. Even an osprey’s sharp eyes did not know that light was a legend, a monster, who would make her way from the sea back into the stars.
Revision:
I learned how third-person weaves in opportunities to replace I with other vocabulary.
Ian you can’t miss so many great recommendations especially, “Burned Man on Texas Porch.” Getting rid of the “I” for first person or naming the character for third can be difficult but there’s so many examples you give to help us out. I’m looking forward to the next outstanding video and maybe even a fiction challenge in the future that incorporates poetry.
Don't worry about MY judgment of you, IC. Great vlog as always. And - yes- I am writing my OWN shit in response to your ideas. Please keep doing what you do ... Thank you!
This task altered my relationship with Clarice Lispector just so you know, and she hasn't yet forgiven my judgement.
(and my own work, which is a good thing, and hard)
How did it change your relationship with Lispector, lol?
It made me look at first person and even pronouns differently. Found the journal entry from that day, “Yesterday I sat with Lispector's Hour of the Star and a 100pg slice of Infinite Jest and chose (what most resembled) a chapter from the former, highlighting every pronoun of the protagonist. My appraisal was quick but through pages 15-24 there were approx. 254 she/herself/her's along with 33 references to the protagonist as "the girl”” and the reason I compared the authors, well they were two I consider transformative within arms reach but Dave was less pronoun heavy ANYWAY the drown the I challenge was very useful and destructive for me in the best way imo. Nothing could ruin my relationship with Lispector after The Passion to be quite honest. Should I have read The Hour of The Star BEFORE vandalising it tho? Yea
I WANT YOU FOR THE LITERARY RENAISSANCE!
Let's get this literary wave going!
New to the WC Literary Renaissance. Here's my attempt at the assignment.
My timid soles stepped out of a red, 2016 Mazda 3. At the same time, the cool morning’s brisk wind greeted my timid soul. An expected encounter. The air’s sharp claws ran quickly across my face, eerily prophesying the direction my day would take, reminiscent of an ancient Greek oracle preparing a fateful forecast in a Euripides play. My car’s red paint was a hell that gave shelter to the demon’s hand that gripped the back of my shirt, holding me back from taking steps towards the building looming ahead of me. My lungs reluctantly welcomed a trembling breath that overstayed its welcome before exiting hurriedly. Looking for anything to perpetuate my procrastination, I glanced at my watch: a minimalist brown leather Fossil watch that was gifted to me last Christmas from my Uncle Troy. The second hand on my watch, not slowing down for me, had the face of a disappointed father looking at their son arriving home past curfew.
Original:
“I was afraid you lied about having a human daughter just to start a peace negotiation with us, but she even has your eyes.” Oh no, you WHAT?! I almost jump when i looked at her “But, she is… well. You give her all that attention she deserves, don’t you?” She looked back, this hateful judmental eyes of a archangel who throw flames at my eyes, cleary thinking of herself as such.
Revisioned:
“Quite frightening was to confront the possibility of the borned human daughter was just a dangerous lie, just to start a peace negotiation, but even the eyes. Truly there is no doubt.” You... WHAT??! The almost gave jump when looking at her. “But, seeing her here with the beauty of a princess, but well… You give her all the deserved attention, don’t you?” And gazed, and stared, and despised back, this hateful judmental eyes of a archangel, cleary thinking of herself as so high up there. Even being so miserable as a lord and a thread, the king surrounded the entire clastle by a fraction of his army, just to make sure.
I learn that pronouns are sometimes just a placeholder who hold the potential of the sentences, instead of the sentecens be created around them. By strategically removing some pronouns i was able to created a more "true to the character voice" thing there. And was able to substitute some description of emotion by that said character voice.
We Are Here. Drop the I. Start on the U.
Original:
Perhaps I could’ve stopped the ship. I could’ve given the sailors a sign to man their oars, and steer away from the light. I wonder if it would’ve even helped, or if Poseidon had fixed our course. I had no idea that the golden glimmer was a legend, a monster, who would make her way from the sea back into the stars.
Revision:
Perhaps the osprey could’ve stopped the ship. The bird could’ve goven the sailors a sign to man their oars, and steer away from the light. Maybe the fish hawk even wondered if it would hbe helped, or is Poseidon had fixed its course. Even an osprey’s sharp eyes did not know that light was a legend, a monster, who would make her way from the sea back into the stars.
Revision:
I learned how third-person weaves in opportunities to replace I with other vocabulary.
Every ‘I’ is a choice. Good video.
Brilliant. This got my writing wheels turning. I’ve written two first-person books, and I am writing a book in the second-person.
Ian you can’t miss so many great recommendations especially, “Burned Man on Texas Porch.” Getting rid of the “I” for first person or naming the character for third can be difficult but there’s so many examples you give to help us out. I’m looking forward to the next outstanding video and maybe even a fiction challenge in the future that incorporates poetry.
I started this last night, got two pages done after three hours, will continue tonight
Don't worry about MY judgment of you, IC. Great vlog as always. And - yes- I am writing my OWN shit in response to your ideas. Please keep doing what you do ... Thank you!