Ian, with every video and post you put here, the more I learn to improve my writing. I'm a short story writer writer, high school junior in AP Lang. I share some of your advice with my teacher.
Within the walls of this stone tower lives a silent gnome named Mr. Wortle, who, way back in the beginning, following the completion of this primordial tower, witnessed a man toiling away at the folding of paper. The man would ignore every knock that came to his door. Mr. Wortle found the man's dedication and created figures awe-inspiring, manifesting deep curiosities in Mr. Wortle to discover their meaning.
Verbs:
lives,
following,
witnessed, ~
toiling,
folding,
ignore,
knock,
created,
manifesting,
discover
Anglo-Saxon verbs, a lot of the time, are strong and monosyllabic
This will be how I will try to modify the above sentence.
Anglo-Saxton:
Within the walls of this stone tower lives a silent gnome named Mr. Wortle, who, way back at the start, found a newly built primordial tower in which a man toiled with paper. The man would ignore every knock that came to his door. Mr. Wortle was ecstatic at the man's passion and made figures, which dug deep curiosities in Mr. Wortle to find their meaning.
I'm assuming that the Latin words are all longer than one syllable:
Within the walls of this stone tower there is a living a silent gnome named Mr. Wortle, who, way back in the beginning, following the completion of this primordial tower, had the pleasure of witnessing a man toiling away at the folding of paper. The man actively ignoring every knock that came to his door. Mr. Wortle, finding an awe-inspiring curiosity he began to go a finding the man's meaning behind the paper figures
This was a good exercise. I put so much more thought into decreasing verb syllables. I liked the simplicity of the end result and it made me realize how much stock I put into the length of words just because they are long.
The Anglo-saxton version sounded more like how I talked. adding -ing to the end of thigns and hoping that the action shows.
I remember reading Chaucer in MIddle English and loving it because it had such a beautiful sound. Every sentence was poetry (thanks to Chaucer as well as the language). It's hard to find comparison today. Carl Sandburg, who was a great poet, wrote prose that still had a lyrical quality especially when read aloud. I wish my writing, which sounds like flat modern, could develop that sound.
Ian, with every video and post you put here, the more I learn to improve my writing. I'm a short story writer writer, high school junior in AP Lang. I share some of your advice with my teacher.
Original Paragraph:
Within the walls of this stone tower lives a silent gnome named Mr. Wortle, who, way back in the beginning, following the completion of this primordial tower, witnessed a man toiling away at the folding of paper. The man would ignore every knock that came to his door. Mr. Wortle found the man's dedication and created figures awe-inspiring, manifesting deep curiosities in Mr. Wortle to discover their meaning.
Verbs:
lives,
following,
witnessed, ~
toiling,
folding,
ignore,
knock,
created,
manifesting,
discover
Anglo-Saxon verbs, a lot of the time, are strong and monosyllabic
This will be how I will try to modify the above sentence.
Anglo-Saxton:
Within the walls of this stone tower lives a silent gnome named Mr. Wortle, who, way back at the start, found a newly built primordial tower in which a man toiled with paper. The man would ignore every knock that came to his door. Mr. Wortle was ecstatic at the man's passion and made figures, which dug deep curiosities in Mr. Wortle to find their meaning.
I'm assuming that the Latin words are all longer than one syllable:
Within the walls of this stone tower there is a living a silent gnome named Mr. Wortle, who, way back in the beginning, following the completion of this primordial tower, had the pleasure of witnessing a man toiling away at the folding of paper. The man actively ignoring every knock that came to his door. Mr. Wortle, finding an awe-inspiring curiosity he began to go a finding the man's meaning behind the paper figures
This was a good exercise. I put so much more thought into decreasing verb syllables. I liked the simplicity of the end result and it made me realize how much stock I put into the length of words just because they are long.
The Anglo-saxton version sounded more like how I talked. adding -ing to the end of thigns and hoping that the action shows.
Thanks! Hope all is well for you and the fam!
I remember reading Chaucer in MIddle English and loving it because it had such a beautiful sound. Every sentence was poetry (thanks to Chaucer as well as the language). It's hard to find comparison today. Carl Sandburg, who was a great poet, wrote prose that still had a lyrical quality especially when read aloud. I wish my writing, which sounds like flat modern, could develop that sound.